The Brooks Trio

“Oh she’s so cute!! When are you going to have another?” 
“Jake & I have talked this through a few times & unless things change drastically we’ve decided we’re only going to have one.”
“Oh…”

This conversation. All the time. 

It's not that the question itself is offensive; it's a pretty normal & an obvious conversation to have with people. It's the responses I get to my answer that make me want to scream.

The most common retort: "You can't just have one!"

There are the people that think they know future us better than ourselves: "No you won't. You'll see, you'll want to go back."

The couple of people that think we are doing other people an injustice (also, wtf?):  "What about people who can't have kids? Isn't it a bit cruel that you can have more but won't?"

And, last but not least, my personal favourite: "Well that's just a bit spiteful... She needs a sibling, you know."

The fact that I haven’t simply birded these people is an absolute wonder.

I really don’t feel the need to explain myself to them, but I do feel the need to put all of this out there. Our experience as a family can have no comparison so please remember I am only talking about us here. Here are the reasons we would both love to have a number 2 and the reasons we have decided that we probably won’t.

People seem to think because my first pregnancy was bad, it’s the entire reason we have decided not to try again. First off, if my second pregnancy was like the first or worse, does ANYONE really want to see me or Jake go through that again? And Charli would have to go through it now too…

I know it could be completely different, I could unicorn my way through that shit & pop out another tiny human just as awesome as the first! For those people I say, really? It wasn’t the greatest 9 months of my life – I was tired, weak & sooooo sick of the sight of that damn red bucket. I spewed in all sorts of vessels, in all kinds of places. I had the pre-term labour threatening from week 27 with constant trips to the hospital. The urinary tract infections seemed to just be there no matter what I done. So yeah, not exactly glamourous & I hated it, ask anyone. But really? Why would I ever want to give up another 9 months of growing a tiny us? Those pinpricks of light in the darkness, the heartbeat, the kicks. They were worth the misery & would be again. Plus, I lost in the vicinity of 15kgs, guys. What a bonus.

Then they say we are being selfish – we want to travel & own a house but we aren’t going to give Charli a sibling! Friggin oath. Even with just one baby we will probably never own our own home. We hope to but we know what the market is like & how much we earn. And yes we want to travel! I’d rather be able to travel with Char & give her those experiences than not travel at all or much less. Also, when she is old enough to be home alone & off with her friends – “BYE! Dad & I are off to Europe, don’t burn the house down!”

The “money doesn’t matter” routine. This one is good. These people that are SO frustrated with MY life choices that have ZERO effect on them whatsoever cannot be more exasperated when they say we shouldn’t be worried about money. They tell me that things just work out. Yes they do, I’ll be the first to tell you that you just make things work & if we happen to have another baby, we will just work it out. But for now we don’t WANT to work it out. We don’t want to lose the life we have built for ourselves & planned for Charli’s upbringing.

Charli needs a sibling. No, actually. She needs a household full of love, encouragement and happiness. She needs people she can rely on & share things with. She will have that and more. Just speaking for my side of the family Charli has 10 cousins she actively sees. 4 Aunts & 4 Uncles. 1 Grandma that accounts for the love an adoration of an entire country…

Jacob & I were watching a TV series where a 16 year-old girl got pregnant. Jake simply said “I hope if something like that ever happened, she’d know she could come to us” We want to be her parents first, but we also want to be her friends. She will have everything she needs.

Did I mention by the way one of the women who pushed this to me the hardest – she had a sibling for her first child. Not a second child for her family - A sibling for her first child. Her wording. Those siblings don’t speak. Enough said.

Lastly, time. The number one reason that I decided for myself that I didn’t want to have another baby. I work full time, the weekends race by & doing all of the things in between, the time I have with Charli is so small considering she is my daughter living under the same roof. It is barely enough. I don’t want to give up a single second. Not for anyone or anything because 10 months is going to turn in to 10 years before I can blink. I know I would love Charli just as much if she had a sibling. I know I would give both of them all I had but I don’t want to. The thought of another little bubba, another birth (believe it or not – I know why all of you crazy bitches do it again now), another set of fingers & toes, another personality. It’s almost enough to go right ahead and do it all again. Almost.

Who knows, we might change our mind in a few years. We might have a little surprise happen upon us. But right now & for all of the near & further off future, it’s a no from us. Thank you for everyone who has respected this & haven’t said boo. A super special thank you to the small minority who actually quizzed us, wanting to know why, not to correct our reasoning but to better understand it.

For the families out there who decided to have one, two or twelve; that consist of just themselves & their partners, to those who stuck with just the fur-kids; the adopters, the step families - Kudos to all of you guys.